I only have time to give you one comment. This essay is about banning mobile phones in public. The instructions ask if you agree with this. Where is your answer? Please watch my free video lesson about writing an introduction for an opinion essay. You need to learn how to give your answer directly in the introduction.
All the best
this is my essay, could you give me some comment to improve it, many thanks!
Some people believe that using cell phones in the public areas can cause plenty of disadvantages and therefore should not be allowed, I disagree with this view because of a couple of reasons.
Firstly, mobile phones are muti-functional devices with various vital functions. Together with the development of technology, a cell phone can be a smart storage device with hundreds of pictures, videos or thousands of e-books. Nowaday cell phone holders can search information for work, or relax by watching films and listening to music whenever and wherever they wish. Futhermore, using applications on a cell phone could help you find the way to any place without being lost , even find hotels or restaurant when you travel.
Secondly, mobile phones are useful in emergency situations. 5 years ago, when I was going out with my friends, I had a serious car accident. I was faint away for a long time. My friends had no way but using my cell phone to contact with my family and called for the ambulance. It is clear that mobile phone could be a helpful and valuable device not only in the road casuaties but in other difficult circumstances such as fires , crimes.
To sum up, with the above mentioned functions, I believe that people should have the right to be free in using their phones in public places.
You cannot discuss both sides in an opinion essay equally. Firstly, this is not a discussion essay, it is an essay where you must have a clear opinion to get a good score. Secondly, you can’t have an opinion which is “I agree and disagree”. However, it is possible to have a balanced opinion (where you partly agree with the statement) but remember it is not a discussion and your opinion must be very clear.
Dear Liz ,
I would like to buy your essay tips,
please could you tell me as soon as possible ,I just booked my test for first of August .
I will be very direct with you. To get band score 7, you need to have a very strong level of English in which you have good use of English but with few errors. Your message above shows quite a lot of errors when you use vocabulary that is not appropriate. You clearly know a lot of vocabulary but not how to use it and what it really means. For example, “apprentice” is not a synonym for student. For this reason, you are not getting band 7 in your listening or reading etc. Of course, you will need to check your techniques and follow the right tips but at the end of the day, if your English is not band 7, it will be hard to get that score. Spend time developing your English. I don’t mean learning new words (you have a wide enough vocabulary) but learning more about the meaning of the words, collocations, paraphrasing correctly and how to use words appropriately.
All the best
Avoid writing about yourself. You should give explains of people in general. Also think more carefully about how to support your arguments with strong ideas. Your second body paragraph has stronger ideas than the first. Be careful going too deeply into medical terminology when the actual topic is technology and society. This gives the impression you are a doctor and the only language you know well is medical language – being able to write two strong sentences with medical language will not give you a higher band score when the rest of your essay uses lower level language. Also check your grammar (plurals, articles) and vocabulary.
All the best
Can we you hypothetical statistics? For example, if I want to make my point strong, can i use any university name or any research journal?? I mean can i state in the essay that,
“In a recent article published by ABC university, 70% of the people have found addicted to smartphones”
Whereas in fact, there is no such article ever published stating this fact of 70%.
Wow, were you really trying to remember stats for your essay? You are not marked on your knowledge at all. Just think of some relevant main ideas and then explain them – nothing more is needed. It is essentially an English language test. Take a look at my band 9 model essays:
There are serious problems with punctuation and paragraphing which makes it difficult to give any further comments. I suggest your work on your punctuation and learn how many paragraphs there should be in an IELTS essay.
Also, please read the rules for posting writing on my blog:
All the best
I have a doubt regarding the writing task2, when I was doing a sample writing task, I came across this “include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience”. So, does this mean we can give real life examples while writing our essay?
You will not have time. You need to spend at least 5 mins planning your essay which includes main ideas as well as supporting points. This means you can write your essay directly. Try timing yourself and you will see how difficult it is to do both task 1 and task 2 in one hour.
I strongly believe that there should be no attempts to prevent anyone from using mobile phones in public sites. Not only would this mean a breach of the core rights of individuals, but it could also cause an emergency situation to be neglected.
Centuries of fights culminated in a free society, where people have their basic rights, such as talking on the phone or texting their loved ones, guaranteed by the state. Hence, were any policy against individual freedom of choice put into action, our civilisation would be moving several steps backwards. Obviously, it is expected that each one show their respect towards others while using their handsets, but by no means should they be forbidden to do so. History is full of such foolish ventures, and the results have constantly shown that this is the wrong way to go.
Moreover, those who stand up for the band turn a blind eye to potential emergencies or unexpected situations. Five years ago, I was in a 5 hour long train journey, when my grandfather had a serious domestic accident. Fortunately, I was able to receive a call straight away and take timely measures. However, had I not picked up my phone immediately, the outcome could have been tragic. In other words, communicating while on the go is a feature enabled by technology, which has made peoples` lives much easier and safer. There is no reason to go back in time and ignore the benefits from this.
To sum up, any civilised debate is healthy and people are entitled to share their opinions and suggestions about a whole range of topics. Nevertheless, when it comes to communication and, ocnsequently, to individual freedom, the community in general should think not twice, but three times, before adopting any measure to curb it.
Task 2: Some people say that interview is a good way of selecting competent candidates.
What are the other ways for selecting a good candidate
What do you think is the best way to select a good candidate. How write intro this question and make paragraph